Rigel (n) : awesomesaucery

I can't quite believe that May is already over. *shocked face*

But crazedturkey arrives tomorrow and we have a whole week of awesomeness! We shall gallivant all over my fine city and the southwest corner of my state (alas, we shall not see any crocodiles - but there will be wine and cheese!)

So, this month I:

( Went mad with pic!fic )

( Done wrote nuthin )

And I snuck off to read fic in other fandoms :D Which was fun, but we need some more SG-1 *prods flist*

Now, off to do some more work!

My muse is somewhat traumatised by my hacking and slashing of over 5000 words from a WIP last night, thus reducing it to quivering with fear that I'll take away its porn quality inspirational reading, or something equally heinous (like subjecting it to copious amounts of Hardy - muse has yet to forgive me for that whole 'Tess' debacle, though I maintain it was forced upon us by an unfeeling education system.)

But, it had to be done, muse!

It was for its own good!

The good Bunne (katiefoolery) was shaking her head at me as I managed to add 500 words while converting horrific run on sentences to something resembling prose.

WTF, muse? How did you manage to add words, when the intention was to slim things on down?

So, instead of the writerly equivalent of a diet, where we attempt to shed a few pounds by avoiding rich description and thesauri (always a source of hidden full fat words) and exercising the use of full stops and punctuatory sundries, we were forced into drastic liposuction-y surgery!

And recovery from that is a bitch!

As an aside, Firefox and its inline spellchecker believes I have coined a new word - alas, google has dashed my hopes of erudite expression. Punctuatory isn't in the dictionary... yet! But is nonetheless beloved by like-minded, wordmashing souls

So, while I spoon feed poor muse with syllabub and soothing promises of smut, I shall meme.

kellifer_fic is talking about the art of making titles ( and I wish to stick my oar in... )

ETA: And the fic is off to beta-land! Wheee!

Title: "There will be cake and grief counselling available"
Author: Rigel
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Disclaimer: Not mine (alas!) Don't sue!
Rating: PG-13
A/N: For the ever loverly surreallis on the occasion of her birthday - Consider it a sort of remix of love!

IMAGE HEAVY! (Not Dialup Friendly!)



"There will be cake and grief counselling available"

ETA: Portal reference FTW in the title - I'm still mourning the loss of my Weighted Companion Cube...

So it turns out my meta-ish post on my OTP Sam and Daniel may take a while, as I need diagrams and flow charts and screencaps with giant arrows to point out the burning UST and squeeful moments...

Hey, it's me! :P

So in the meantime, I'm making a post - unflocked so I can't get out of it - concerning my unfinished fandom commitments.

I, Rigel Mayson, hereby vow that I shall not sign up for any ficathons, start any new epic stories or create my Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson and Cameron Mitchell clones that are for *koff* aesthetic purposes only, until the following fics have been written and published.

( Maybe I could just have Cam... )

Holy Hannah!

*hangs head in shame*

And I can't find for the life of me a linky to whoever is running the finish-a-thon checkin. I FAIL at scanning back on my flist :(

But consider me signed up!

I have so much love for you all at the moment :D

The anon love meme is lufferly and full of sunshine - and I'm sure you can all tell which replies are mine... dang! I suck at anonitude!

This is me, this afternoon, after class-of-doom-filled-with-pretentious-art-wankas-with-no-sense-of-humour:



Note the pitchfork-of-ire and matching whip with which to flog sense into argumentative difficult people. I am not called "Madam Lash" for nothing!

And here I am after bathing in the glowy glowy love that is that entire post:



Flowers for you all and a magical-fairy-fic-wand!

Meme time!

Give me one of my own stories, and a timestamp sometime in the future after the end of the story, or sometime in the past before the story started, and I'll write you at least a hundred words of what happened then, whether it's five minutes before the story started or ten years in the future.

So, want another note from Sam to Daniel from "Scraps and Scribbles", or wondering if Mini!Jack and Cassie made it to prom from "A Mountain With A Wolf" or anything else - ask away :D

Linkage to my Master Fic List

And, just cos I love making them.

Prompt me for a crack!fic comic panel and I shall do my best to come up with the most awful awful pun-worthy joke my mind can think of :P

Like so...

Jonas, banana



Pairings should you wish it :D Or give me a scenario

SG-1 or SGA - I have character blanks for both of them - in fact, hell I could probably do a cracked out crossover if asked. *muses on the possibilities of Dr Who and SPN in the gate!verse*

Yay!

*grins in maniacal fashion reminiscent of a mad-scientist-of-doom*

Everyone is oph at Dragon Con, swanning about doing fannish things and slavering over the hawt manflesh on display (or at least I would be, if I were there...)

However, I'm still going to have fun! (And the apocafic is kicking my butt, time for a break)

Wander on over to no_con_do, should you wish to participate in the fun and games :D

*ahem*

This is a follow on post from my previous crack!fic "MRI?"

THE TOP 10 REASONS WHY HAVING NAQUADAH IN YOUR SYSTEM CAN BE A BAD BAD THING"

IMAGE HEAVY (700px x 420px pics) (not particularly dialup friendly)

LIGHT FORMAT LINKAGE

( 'cos going all splodey in the MRI is the least of your worries... )

*koff*

So, I was reading Aurora's latest fic Trauma Confusion (Go read, for 'tis very funneh) When the following occurred to me.

Naquadah is a heavy metallic element, right?

( cut for SP cartoon of crack!ficcishness )
*grins*
Srsly... I think there's somewhat wrong with me :P

Ahaha!

Rabid aspects of fandom are stalking me in my internet life!

*offers up proof*



There I was, about to prove my humanity through the tried and true test of reading warped text, when I received this disturbing message!!!

Sam haters have infiltrated the internets! Quick! To Arms!

Also, I'm catching up on ficathon reading - so if you suddenly get feedback, it's probably me slinking in late to the party :D

( Stargate SG-1 10.02 Morpheus )

Clearly, you are all gluttons for punishment. (and I'm on fandom!crack!)

This is a follow on tour from the Multishipper Highway which was directly inspired by surrealphantast's post on BNF Venn Diagrams

Batshit Insane country is waaaaay off the map; in fact few people have returned from that untamed land, they have mostly been institutionalized with wild tales of insane goings-on spouting from their lips.

However, we're mounting an expedition to see the craziness in its natural habitat. Photo opportunities galore! This is a holiday experience you'll tell your grandchildren about!

DISCLAIMER

Travellers to Batshit Insane Country should be aware of the following caveats, and must consider them carefully before signing up.

Rigel Tours Inc cannot be held responsible for the following:

[x] Loss of Brain Function
[x] Eye Damage
[x] Hoarseness due to screaming in terror
[x] Disorientation, Succumbing to insanity, accidental assbabies...

You should not accompany this tour if you suffer from any of the following ailments:

[x] A pre-existing heart condition
[x] A lack of humour
[x] Are already a resident of Batshit Insane Country

[Poll #946378]

Grab yourself a safety kit (contains eye bleach, spork, barf bag, tranquiliser gun to prevent rabid insane inhabitants from attacking you and a first aid kit containing the sensible hawt pR0n of your choice) And climb aboard the jeep convoy!



IMAGE HEAVY BEHIND THE CUT!

( cameras at the ready! )

And now I really have to get back to work :P

So, Jenn's (aka surrealphantast) Venn Diagrams of Sg-1 Fandom and its non conduciveness to BNF'ery was indeed something to treasure.

Best of all, it laid out the path to true fic happiness. Yes my friends - I speak of the multi-shipping highway.

This sojourn of delight requires you to think in multiverses, with multipairings, in multiple combinations, and once you master this Jedi Ancient trick of the mind, the path to pR0n is yours.

Grab yourself a vehicle: The multishipping highway has a special carpool lane - so kidnap gently coerce a friend who is in dire need of conversion along for the ride, and be prepared for the wonderful sights along the way!

Here is a handy license plate:



IMAGE HEAVY BEHIND THE CUT!

( fasten your seatbelts! )

:D

And yes - I had far too much fun playing with all those sign generators!

ETA: Tis 2am!! *is oph to sleep* I shall create some more on the morrow :D
ETA2: It seems we bypassed a few pairings!

( Multishipping is Love - Porny Love )

ETA3: uisceboo has made an awesome diagram of the SGC!!

ETA4: And now you can take a Safari Photo Tour of Batshit Insane Country - Watch out for the Assbabies!!

So there I was, innocently trawling away through the Heliopolis archive, (Gen fic archive for Stargate fandom) looking for a Martouf-centric fic that I had read some months ago and foolishly forgot to bookmark, when I saw this story summary...

SG1 wonder how they are going to explain bringing a 6ft penis sculpture back through the gate - written for a challenge.

( Seriously, I need to go bleach my brain now, or at least feed it some heavy duty OT3 porn - preferably written by someone on my flist )

Le sigh. Reading fanfic certainly has its perils, and the pit (FF.net) has more than its share of truly awful, craptacular, badly written, unproofread, schmoopy, canon raping, character assassinating, piles of steaming *ahem* that make baby Jesus cry.

I think I need to state my fanfic/original fic manifesto - not that anyone on my flist is guilty (you're all wonderful authors whose work I obsessively re-read; and, best of all, you write coherent, structurally sound pieces.) But I'll put it out there in the ether of the interweb for future generations to ponder my words of wisdom and nod sagely.

Ye verily, for Rigel was righteous in the ways of fanfic, and her words ring true throughout the ages. May she be quoted in our hour of need.

I have journeyed to the top of the mountain and conversed with TPTB, and lo, their holy writ was conveyed to me to spread amongst the masses. I shall cast down the golden idol of the Mary Sue being worshipped by the infidels and show you all the path to enlightenment.

*cue heavenly ray of light and chorus of angels who all resemble the luscious Dr. Daniel Jackson*

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( The Ten commandments of fic, with bonus interpretation so there can be no confusion )

---

TPTB hath spoken in a voice-of-doom warning that those that violateth their commands shalt be tormented forever in the depths of the special hell reserved for them.

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( Additional laws, regarding the writing of fanfic )

Yep... fandom has eaten my brain - but in a good way!