Rigel (n) : awesomesaucery

Time for another "classic" from my collection!

This, dear friends, is the very first romance book I ever read. It made a rather remarkable impression on my tender 12 year old mind and ever since I have harbored a passion to marry a titled man, so that I too can be addressed as "your Grace."

I have to confess - I LOVE THIS BOOK. Love it, read it once a year at least - but I can admit it has flaws - oh yes... dubious... very dubious...

Firstly the Cover! Is there manboob?

They don't make covers like they used to! These days it's all tasteful pictures of flowers or manor houses done in hazy pastels. If you're lucky you might get what's known as a "stepback" cover where the racy picture is hidden on the inside.

Witness the current boringness: A tree, erm and yes... some wildflowers. How compelling...

I've had to scan my own copy (which is literally falling to pieces - note the sticky tape!)
Here be the cover:



Note our titular heroine, with uplifted gaze (green eyes!!) and loose flowing seductive hair (is there a wind machine in the background?)

Then we notice the couple below, with our hero (more on him later) attempting to get a leg over... (that - can't be a comfortable position) distinct manboob shadowing there, only just offset by Whitney's own heaving bosom.

But wait! This is a full blown cover - with awesomeness extending to the back, and here is why I loved this book:



*melts* The soulful staring hawt hero man! with bonus carrying-off-of-heroine-on-white-stallion-of-girlish-dreams.

Yes! you too are enthralled by such a cover and can't wait to dive in to experience the promised awesome!

Our Heroine: Hoyden, High Spirited, Scandal-Waiting-To-Happen - SEND HER TO FRANCE!

Miss Whitney Stone
Age - 15
Favourite Pastimes: Standing up on horses backs, pursuing neighborhood swain, wearing breeches, reading the classics (in the original Greek!)
Appearance: Pretty (but not too pretty) Dirty from all the riding around making a spectacle of herself.

Poor Daddy is beside himself (Mama being conveniently dead) and has enlisted the help of his erstwhile sister-in-law and her husband (who, also conveniently, has been recently posted to France as a diplomat)

Pity no-one informed Whitney...

We have heartbroken tears "Oh Papa, do you really hate me that much that you need me out of your sight?" and a plea of "Will you wait for me" to local swain who she very much loves Paul Sevarin who views her as a rather annoying chit, and is set on pursuing local beauty Elizabeth Ashton.

Cue farewell scene where Whitney vows to herself to return and marry him, gazing at the fading cliffs of Dover - "lately... the toast of Paris!"

He came to a masquerade dressed as the devil himself, how very appropriate!

Fast forward four years. Young Whitney has blossomed into a "true beauty" and has taken Paris by storm with her quick wit and style with the help of BFF's brother, the devastatingly handsome Nicholas Du'Ville.

Handsome, urbane, a trifle jaded - he is the perfect foil - but we all know not the hero - oh no... we meet him at a ball. A masquerade.

He identifies her costume as "Proserpine" (*gasp* he is educated unlike all the others who think she is Venus) And in the course of one conversation in which she mocks the idea that he could be a Duke in disguise, she has thoroughly bewitched him.

Meet Clayton Westmoreland - Duke of Claymore

35, devastatingly handsome, obscenely rich, bored with his current mistress and on the lookout for a wife.

What do you mean you sold me?

Of course Westmorland is a Duke, and hence the rules don't apply to him. He can't be bothered with courtship and all that...

Oh yes! He instructs his lawyer to bail out Daddy's debt (to the tune of 10,000 pounds) and have dear Whitney recalled to England poste haste where he can woo her at his leisure (woo of course being purely for her benefit - can't have a frigid wife after all!)

(and let's not mention that whole "bought her" thing ok?)

Our Whitney is overjoyed! She's going home and can finally put into action her masterplan to catch local swain Paul!

Our Hero has bought himself the neighbouring estate and is styling himself as Mr. Westland - because he can't have her want to marry him for his title! He wants her willing and in lurve and he has no doubts about his abilities to pull it off.

So we have Whitney (ha bitches, I'm beautiful and successful now!) being pursued by Mr Westland (really a Duke) throwing herself at Paul (penniless, ears pricked up now that there seems to be more money in the Stone household) and being pushed by her daddy to see Westland in a romantic light.

We have passionate kissage (OMG! I love Paul, but how can I feel this for another man!) and Clayton actually falling for her (awwww :P)

But then... da da dun!!!

All is revealed!

Cue massive angst and "How could you Daddy????"

OMGWTFBBQ... I didn't just read that

So here I'm skipping ahead :D We've had:

"I just need some time to get used to the idea so let's not announce our engagement to the whole wide world (and in the meantime I'll plot with Paul to elope)"

"No Paul, I have no dowry, that was just money that my Daddy got paid for selling me. OMG you never loved me in the first place it was just the money!!"

"Wow, I really love the Duke after all."

"Duke finds out about plot to elope and takes it all the wrong way, oh and Paul (evil evil man) implies that the reason she was sent to France is because she was a "loose" woman all along"

So, here's the EXTREME DODGINESS!

Westmoreland is all enraged, thinking that she's been a slut all along and toying with his affections. Well he's darn well going to enjoy what he's bought and paid for... Drags her off from a ball back to his townhouse and proceeds to rape seduce her.

Oh and realises she was a virgin, is horrified at what he's done, runs away crying like a big baby releases her from the engagement and generally behaves like a doofus.

And we're only half way through folks! Here are some highlights from the remainder:

* A series of "misunderstandings" culminating in Whitney high-ing herself over to his mother's house to beg him to love her again. - Seriously she BEGS him!!!!!!!!!

* I shall befriend you, my former rival!

* That's not my baby you're carrying!

The melodrama!! *dies from it*

Next up: "Something Wonderful" by the same author aka "Mary Wonder-Sue and the Duke who needs to understand the meaning behind the 'smell of dirt'"