The Price of Innocence - Trashy Novel Review
Ahhhh Trashy Historical Romance!
How I love thee! I'm sure most of you know by now that I'm an avid reader of said genre, and am always on the lookout for anything that looks horrifically bad to add to my collection of "I can't believe they wrote that"
I have quite a collection of the dubious sex slave/harem themed novels (they almost guarantee the bad!) And perusing the second hand store last week I found this gem!
The Blurb That Sucked Me In
Possessed by Desire
Years ago, a handsome stranger rescued Sherrie Hamilton from a harem and enticed her into becoming his lover before returning her safely home. Now Sherrie is a respectable young widow and mother, chaperoning her young charges through fashionable London society - until she comes face to face with her most erotic dream. For there across a crowded ballroom stands the one man who touched the very core of her sensuality, stirring old memories and a new unbidden desire.
Obsessed by Love
Jack PenMartyn, Earl of PenMartyn, seeks to put his past behind him, yet he's obsessed by the one woman whose innocence he stole; the woman who is the mother of the child he never knew he had. He knows that with one false word, Sherrie will expose the secrets of his past. But does he dare to hope, that she will give in to the temptation of their reckless passion for a future together?
Pirates! Dubious Harem/sex slave storyline!, lost daughter who instantly knows her daddy after one look at him!, flashback sex scenes! What more could you want.
Our Heroine
[x] Possesses ridiculous name unsuited for time period
[x] Is American
[x] Is an heiress
[ ] Is desperately impoverished and so must marry
[ ] Has raven hued tresses
[ ] Has chestnut locks that ripple down her back
[x] Has golden curls that spill with abandon across a pillow
[x] Is the hit of the season due to her unnatural beauty
[ ] Has blue eyes that appear violet when emotional
[x] Has unusual clear green eyes
[ ] Is overshadowed by her more beautiful sister/cousin/friend but is still beautiful
[ ] Is a virtuous maiden
[x] Is a widow
[x] Is a bluestocking
Meet Scheherezade (Sherrie) Hamilton (nee VanHarlen)
Who while travelling in the far Orient witnessed her whole family killed before her eyes and faced the very tragic prospect of being sold into slavery (oh My!) But was fortunately rescued from her cage at the last moment by a dashing pirate. But horror! He makes a bargain with her - she must serve as his sex slave for one month in return for him setting her free (seriously... I mean wtf??) weeks turn into months as she loses her inhibitions and becomes a slave to passion...
(and all this is just the backstory!)
Our Dashing Hero
[ ] Is a Duke
[ ] Is a Marquis
[x] Is an Earl
[ ] Is a Viscount
[x] Is exceedingly rich
[x] Has piercing blue eyes
[x] Leads a rakish existance
[x] Was a spy for the crown
[ ] Has been burned by love before and hates all women
[x] Fell in love with a girl and never found out her true name (and it happens to be our heroine!)
Why it's St. John (Jack) PenMartyn, Earl of PenMartyn a.k.a Cullum Rourke a.k.a the "White Tiger" - srsly
So it seems he was off investigating opium dens (or some such) for the crown in the Orient when he fell off the wagon and got himself addicted (note the addicted - that's the runningcliche theme for this whole book.) Debauched himself a nice young virgin (as you do) she reluctantly saved his life, he let her go and bang! inherits title and has to give up his existance of sex and drugs :( But he still lets loose with a sideline in investigating leetle things for the crown in his spare time...
which brings us to...
Let's See The Stats
Page number of first sex scene - 41 (but it's flashback sex so doesn't count :P)
Page number of first actual sex scene - 149 - 161 (yes!!! 11 pages!!)
Total sex scenes - 4
Let's count the cliches...
[x] mutual orgasm
[x] exploding penis
[x] tries to kill him while having sex
[x] says no but then her "desire" betrays her
Quote? oh so many bad ones to choose from....
Time for a poll!
Bad Porn [Poll #919104]
What you want more cliches?
[x] Has a martial arts expert living with him to "train him"
[x] Did anyone mention the cult?
[x] Wow a strange man crawls through the balcony into mummy's bedroom in the middle of the night - he must be my daddy!
[x] Mae (chinese sex slave with Sherrie) marries her best friend and urges her to still love her ex-rapist
[x] She doesn't recognise him the first time she sees him (although she senses it)
[x] Pirates!!!!
[x] Daughter brings mommy and daddy together - awwwwwww!
[x] Kidnapping!!! by Pirates!!! (bonus point there!)
[x] Yankee Brit bashing! (oh yes! Brit's don't bathe enough apparently)
[x] 'The Tiger' has awoken - be afraid!
[x] Sherrie is better than opium...
Verdict?
Ahhh Trashy! But still not the worst. I give this 3 stars out of 5, and the cover isn't that bad, only slight mulletage :D
How I love thee! I'm sure most of you know by now that I'm an avid reader of said genre, and am always on the lookout for anything that looks horrifically bad to add to my collection of "I can't believe they wrote that"
I have quite a collection of the dubious sex slave/harem themed novels (they almost guarantee the bad!) And perusing the second hand store last week I found this gem!
The Blurb That Sucked Me In
Possessed by Desire
Years ago, a handsome stranger rescued Sherrie Hamilton from a harem and enticed her into becoming his lover before returning her safely home. Now Sherrie is a respectable young widow and mother, chaperoning her young charges through fashionable London society - until she comes face to face with her most erotic dream. For there across a crowded ballroom stands the one man who touched the very core of her sensuality, stirring old memories and a new unbidden desire.
Obsessed by Love
Jack PenMartyn, Earl of PenMartyn, seeks to put his past behind him, yet he's obsessed by the one woman whose innocence he stole; the woman who is the mother of the child he never knew he had. He knows that with one false word, Sherrie will expose the secrets of his past. But does he dare to hope, that she will give in to the temptation of their reckless passion for a future together?
Pirates! Dubious Harem/sex slave storyline!, lost daughter who instantly knows her daddy after one look at him!, flashback sex scenes! What more could you want.
Our Heroine
[x] Possesses ridiculous name unsuited for time period
[x] Is American
[x] Is an heiress
[ ] Is desperately impoverished and so must marry
[ ] Has raven hued tresses
[ ] Has chestnut locks that ripple down her back
[x] Has golden curls that spill with abandon across a pillow
[x] Is the hit of the season due to her unnatural beauty
[ ] Has blue eyes that appear violet when emotional
[x] Has unusual clear green eyes
[ ] Is overshadowed by her more beautiful sister/cousin/friend but is still beautiful
[ ] Is a virtuous maiden
[x] Is a widow
[x] Is a bluestocking
Meet Scheherezade (Sherrie) Hamilton (nee VanHarlen)
Who while travelling in the far Orient witnessed her whole family killed before her eyes and faced the very tragic prospect of being sold into slavery (oh My!) But was fortunately rescued from her cage at the last moment by a dashing pirate. But horror! He makes a bargain with her - she must serve as his sex slave for one month in return for him setting her free (seriously... I mean wtf??) weeks turn into months as she loses her inhibitions and becomes a slave to passion...
(and all this is just the backstory!)
Our Dashing Hero
[ ] Is a Duke
[ ] Is a Marquis
[x] Is an Earl
[ ] Is a Viscount
[x] Is exceedingly rich
[x] Has piercing blue eyes
[x] Leads a rakish existance
[x] Was a spy for the crown
[ ] Has been burned by love before and hates all women
[x] Fell in love with a girl and never found out her true name (and it happens to be our heroine!)
Why it's St. John (Jack) PenMartyn, Earl of PenMartyn a.k.a Cullum Rourke a.k.a the "White Tiger" - srsly
So it seems he was off investigating opium dens (or some such) for the crown in the Orient when he fell off the wagon and got himself addicted (note the addicted - that's the running
which brings us to...
Let's See The Stats
Page number of first sex scene - 41 (but it's flashback sex so doesn't count :P)
Page number of first actual sex scene - 149 - 161 (yes!!! 11 pages!!)
Total sex scenes - 4
Let's count the cliches...
[x] mutual orgasm
[x] exploding penis
[x] tries to kill him while having sex
[x] says no but then her "desire" betrays her
Quote? oh so many bad ones to choose from....
Time for a poll!
Bad Porn [Poll #919104]
What you want more cliches?
[x] Has a martial arts expert living with him to "train him"
[x] Did anyone mention the cult?
[x] Wow a strange man crawls through the balcony into mummy's bedroom in the middle of the night - he must be my daddy!
[x] Mae (chinese sex slave with Sherrie) marries her best friend and urges her to still love her ex-rapist
[x] She doesn't recognise him the first time she sees him (although she senses it)
[x] Pirates!!!!
[x] Daughter brings mommy and daddy together - awwwwwww!
[x] Kidnapping!!! by Pirates!!! (bonus point there!)
[x] Yankee Brit bashing! (oh yes! Brit's don't bathe enough apparently)
[x] 'The Tiger' has awoken - be afraid!
[x] Sherrie is better than opium...
Verdict?
Ahhh Trashy! But still not the worst. I give this 3 stars out of 5, and the cover isn't that bad, only slight mulletage :D
You have to do more of these, though. :)
I have so many to choose from (sometimes I think my bad trash shelf is overtaking the rest of my collection :P)
Are you sure people don't write these with humour in mind? :P
*sporfles*
Deadly serious my dear :D
I have far worse on my shelf - believe me!
*tries to keep scrolling down the page*
jaw hits the floor*
I'll never get tired of that icon :P
And this one is even better
Gotta love that baaad trash - that particular one sounds priceless.
I'll have to review all the ones I read this year, then you can all pity my poor fried brain cells...
And I meant to say before, I really like that 'manflesh' userpic you used for the original post! I have much affection for the expression 'manflesh'.
The absolute best things to read on a long flight, IMO. Because it's impossible to concentrate on anything serious and worthy, and they are... oddly compelling. Plus it doesn't really matter how bashed about / drenched in seawater and sunscreen / left in airports they get.
The evil british man is the leader of the "mystical Eastern cult" currently taking London by storm :P
Seriously... I couldn't make this stuff up!
And the best thing about them is you can pick them up for a couple of dollars, it's cheap reading at its best :D
:D
I might have to dig out a few of my "treasures"
:P
Those are the really bad ones!!
I may stop smirking eventually.
But oh my god, who goes to a harem sale to find a virgin?
This is brilliant :-)
You know I so didn't notice that :D
I love the ones where they have an "auction" and the hero "buys" the heroine...
so sooooo dubious!
More please! Those quotes are so trashy..."Sizemore" is a genius :D
but Anne Rice still wins my "bad sex" writing award - that woman can make a scene very toe curlingly awful
Oh come on! You can't go past Quote #3 for pure trash!
"I think it's the "red" in the sentence"
I mean EWWWWWWWWWW!!!
lol
the funniest thing is that the author has a "note" at the beginning saying that technically the "Arabian Nights" translation wasn't widely published until 1893, but an obscure version was published in 1865 and thus Sherrie's parents could still have found the name for their daughter.
*laughs even harder*
If I ever write a full length trashy novel I am so naming the heroine Alizarin (after the paint color) cos it's as equally nonsensical a name!