Rigel (n) : awesomesaucery

Oh Kayt, you have impeccable taste!

I mean this was so bad, it transcended pretty much everything in my library - and that takes something pretty special.

I'm just... I have no words for the truly horrific romance this was *needs brain bleach*

Brilliant! (Oh and the crystally futuristic one is shaping up to be something special too! Stay tuned...)




[Poll #1017060]

It's only a model!

Surprise! It's a... MANBOOB!

Witness the awesome cover pic:



I mean holy God!

That's some quality himbo posturing there. I read this on the train (standing up in peak hour no less!) and suffered the craning of necks and WTF??? expressions of the general public.

Why yes, I read my pR0n in public. What of it?

You have to love the oh-so-teasing nippleage peeking out from the CGI chainmail. This is a book that promises a romp in the garden of earthly delights (aka much porn)

Speaking of chainmail - damn that HAS to be uncomfortable - good think he appears to have access to some kind of depilatory cream in medieval times, or perhaps some lowly servant plucks all his hair out for him...

Oooh and wolf tattoo - hobviously a major plot point, and you can't see it - but the series (yes! seies!) is called "Bound in Darkness" (alas, no BDSM all teh pR0n was very PG-13)

Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head!

Vampires! Ahahahaha! But not the sexy vampires that seduce and suck your blood out in a romantic way. This is a vampire filled with self loathing and on a mission to redeem himself.

Simon, Knight of Lyon (born a lowly Irish Slave in service to a Saxon Lord, why yes... Saxon...) is oph on the Crusades and attending the wedding of his liege lord to some barbarian's daughter. Too bad they've stumbled into a nest of Vampires!!!!

And poor Simon is bitten (woe!) and turned into one himself. He vows to lift the curse on himself somehow, someway and will rescue the lady vampire who also hates what she is.

Enter faithful sidekick...

There are some who call me... Tim.

A Dwarf.

No wait! A magical Dwarf! Who is sekritly a magician! Named Orlando. He tells Simon that the only way to cure his bloodsucking ways is to...

What... is your quest?

*ahem* To seek the Holy Grail.

Srsly.

26 Pages in and I am rolling on the floor with tears! tears streaming down my face!!

Bad, bad Zoot! She has been setting a light to our beacon, which, I've just remembered, is Grail shaped.

And by a lucky coincidence we have Isabel of the Castle Charmot, who lives in the very place where the Grail is concealed (but she doesn't yet know it) Mind you, the big FAT GINORMOUS CLUE staring her in the face for her entire life didn't key her in...

Simon follows le trail of le Grail and ends up in the small village of Charmot - where he kills some people and behaves in a thoroughly ungentlemanlike manner!

What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land.

Poor Isabel is young and sweet and innocent and an heiress... Alas. For many men wish to marry her for her erm, land and such. So she has devised a plan to scare off any potential suitors sent by the King...

Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about, and valiantly, he chickened out.

Why, dress up one of her faithful retainers as "The Black Knight" and challenge any man who comes to claim her. They spread about legends that this man is some kind of Devil and most men turn tail and run at the sight of him.

Not Simon (of course)

I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight. But I must cross this bridge.

Good thing Horses are scared of vampires eh?

The Black Knight is carried off into the woods and our Simon strolls on in. He lies and claims he's her kinsman and is on a quest to find redemption and that is why he doesn't eat in front of people and deprives himself by dwelling in perpetual darkness.

*coughs*

And after the spanking, the oral sex!

Of course irresistible attraction! Sneaking around at night and passionate lurve making! (while he represses the desire to drink her blood...)

And she tries repeatedly to find out his secret and then decides he's the man for her. (As you do)

Too bad the head honcho vampire is still alive...

Aaaaand that is where the wolf theme comes in :P

Of course the book doesn't resolve all the plot points - there are sequels to be thought of!

But I haven't laughed so hard in ages!

A++ I would lol again!