Rigel (n) : awesomesaucery

It's my favourite day of the month cos sg1_debrief's full newsletter comes out and I can spend the whole day reading and commenting on fic - huzzah! (*ignores work that I should be doing* bah! Porn is waaaaay more important!)

Julie - splash_the_cat is an absolute saint for putting it all together!

So onto another favourite from my "other" shelf :D

SPACE PIRATES!

In honour of the spacepirate_fic ficathon (go read the stories!) and annerbhp's b'day ('cos spacepirates are cool and are way better than ninjas!)

You might want to make sure you're not drinking any hot liquids before you click this reveal :P

If only my leather pants didn't chafe so bad...

So... my cover = not too bad. The re-release cover however... Let's see them side by side:



*dies laughing* BWAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAAHAHAHHAHH!1!eleventy11!one!11

*wipes away tear*

So my cover may have the dubious man boob shadow, distinct mulletage and clutching-of-enormous-space-gun-while-groping-woman. (Apparently there is also a wind machine in the vacuum of space as well) - Oh and she looks like she's about to eat his nose, but this is nothing, nothing compared to the awesome of the other one.

Holy zombie jesus! Lets look at the fine checklist

[x] Mullet Hair
[x] Leather Pants
[x] Scary man-nipples
[x] Pimped out jewellery - one earring = definitely a pirate
[x] TATTOOS!!!!
[x] A rug, nay - a carpet of hair, obviously groomed
[x] Bad-boy five-o'clock shadow
[x] Ripply man muscles

Oh, and look at his raised eyebrow of "you know you want me baby!" and the crotch spread that's like Garth and Wayne in Scha-wiiing mode!

MY EYES! (and yours!)

Obviously this is a book that promises piratey delight!

Space Pirates want to kidnap my daughter!

Meet our heroine:
Name: Tressa Loring (space!future first name that sounds like a hair-care product!)
Age: 20
Appearance: Enticing, suddenly grown up from a 14 year old awkward girl to a she-temptress with long legs.
Dreams: of Nick Banner :P and of running daddy's company one day, and of flying spaceships and proving herself!
Special!Sue powers: Can sense emotions, is able to flick hair in a way that captivates men.

Soo daddy = richest man in the universe on the planet, and has managed to make himself a few enemies.

Space Pirate enemies.

He needs to get his precious daughter off planet, in a way that won't bring any attention to it either.

Of course he'll ask his good ol' pal who is a scoundrel and a rogue and likes getting into gun fights and bedding all the whores women he comes across.

Call me Captain... my captain

Name: Nick Banner
Age: old (well, he's pals with her daddy!)
Ship: the Victorious which he won in a game of cards
Likes: Alien beer, womenfolk, sleeping naked
Dislikes: having a woman *gasp* on board his ship
Sidekick: TiMara - a Lyrin Desert cat of adorable cuteness *gags*

Cue immediate sexual tension as Tressa flits about in barely there clothing, and he flirts outrageously with her. awww...

but... Pirates!!

Lasers go pew pew

Tressa's sort-of fiancee isn't impressed when he hears about her being taken away by a sexy rogue - so he hires himself a bunch of Space!Pirates to kidnap her.

Of course these are stupid!spacepirates and kinda suck at their job.

They try to kidnap her at port Canada *g* spaceport and are foiled by Tressa setting off an alarm.

but then the real space!pirates show up.
and I quote:

"Reminiscent of a nineteenth-century terran high seas pirate, Kendyl was about Nick's age."

Shock horror! this Kendyl is Nick's ex partner and is evil and nasty and all out for revenge

[Poll #943009]

So we get:

[x] Real pirates rob banner and take the booty
[x] booty has a tracer set in it by stupid!pirates
[x] Stupid!Pirates meet up with Real!Pirates and agree to eliminate Banner once and for all.
[x] They kidnap Tressa and sell her as a slave
[x] Banner buys her back and gives his ship as the price

and there are a few laser battles in between :D

Khaaaaaaaaan!

So that whole sparlky!sue empath ability, you hadn't forgotten about that had you?
Here's a sample of it in action:

"Nooooo! Nooooooooooo." Her voice trailed off into low, agonizing sobs.

Frantic Delta went to her knees beside her. "What is it, what's wrong?

Tears ran unchecked down Tressa's cheeks "Nooooo, pleeeeze."

"Dawson! Someone, help!" Delta screamed. "Tressa, what's wrong?"

Gathering her strength, Tressa drew back, her body still trembling, her words broken between sobs. "Del... ta, it's... it's Nick! Something terrible's happening! He's in p-p...ain! I can feel it!"

Ahahahhahhhaa! It's just too good :D

And in related news, my romance book newsletter arrived today full of snippets of upcoming books etc. I was particularly taken by one set in the Paranormal Romance section under the Vampire(!) heading.

Tis a series (The Dark Lover series by JR Ward) - but get a load of the names of the heroes:

Wrath, Rhage, Zsadist, Phury, Vishous and Tohrment

*g* GOLD!! It's like some bogan mother went to town naming her offspring! *is sorely tempted to shell out the $15.95 for at least one*